I thought I was going to crack, but I never did, and there was a realisation that got me through it.
That I have the most wonderful family that I could possibly be blessed with, and I have amazing friends (both in real life and on the internet) that I treasure dearly and who love and support me every step of the way.
I don't say it often but I do feel blessed to have you all in my life, it means the world to me - it really does.
My family is a bit complicated at times, and we do have our major disagreements and fall out over the littlest things (especially me and my Dad) - but that's what happens with most families, and it doesn't mean I love them any less, because at the end of the day they're human beings too, and we all have our own problems in life, and sometimes we take them out on the ones we love, even if we don't intend to. But we always come together when times are hard, we always support one another, and that's what gets me through the hardest days - knowing I have a family that loves and accepts me for who I am.
And as I said, I have the most amazing friend both in real life and on the internet - and they really do mean the world to me. Though a few of my high school/ college friends have moved on a bit, and don't see each other as often, the moments I do see them I treasure those times, because it's then that I feel a part of something, feel like I can be myself with them, and we laugh, joke, and just have a blast and forget all our problems, and it's a wonderful thing to be able to do.
But then there's new friends I have made, from University. It feels like I have known them for years, more like my whole life. I was so nervous before going to Uni, thinking I would be so alone - but I never was. We got to know each other, we bonded, and now I really do view them as friends for life, all of them - and I hope and pray that we remain in contact after graduation, because I never want to lose them.
Sometimes I fear I may come across as a bit hard to like, a bit dismissive of people, or give the impression that I don't like them - and I feel it's happened to a few of the new friends I have made, but that's not the case at all. I have been bullied in the past, had friends who stabbed me in the back or made fun of me, and so because of this, with some people, it takes me a bit longer to let my guards down, to fully come to trust them - but that they stuck by me, they never gave up on me, and they still actively tried to get to know me, and make me feel like I could trust them, means the world to me, and more than they will ever know.
And then there's the internet, such a mad and wonderful place, filled with some of the strangest people. Yet it's also filled with some of the most wonderful, kind-hearted, most talented people I have ever met. Whether that be on DWTV, Twitter, Tumblr etc. I love them all, because they, like my real life friends, always make me feel like I'm a part of something, that I'm not alone in the world. They help me through all my problems, give wonderful advice, and support me every step of the way. They accept me, even with all my flaws. And that's just so wonderful to have.
So sorry for all the soppyness in this post, but after feeling so down over the last few days, feeling like giving up, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone in my life, for never giving up on me, for showing me that I am not alone, and that with them in my life, I can get through anything that life throws at me - and I hope to God they will stick with me in the future.
Here's to you all! :)
Yours,
Sam.