I just didn't realise so much of my summer holiday had been and gone already. I thought I had plenty of time to relax and chill before going back to University in September, but this was like a slap in the face.
You may be thinking, so what? Why is this such a big deal? But it's just...so scary!
How fast the days seem to be going, how much closer I am to having to finally grow up...
It's something I've been worrying a lot about lately. I'm just about to enter my third and final year of University, graduation is round the corner.
Yet I have no job, no money, and I have no idea about what I'm going to do once I leave. I'm supposed to have this mapped in my head by now, I should know where I'm going - but I don't. I just feel so lost and confused.
I mean, I want to write, I know that much - but it's such a risky thing to go into, everyone warns me that I'd need a paying job to help support me whilst I try and get myself a writing career, but I have no idea what job would suit me whilst I try and chase this dream.
Teacher? Maybe, that could work. But I'd have to go through another 1 or more years of education to get my PGCE and then I'm wondering If I could even manage dealing with a class of school children, or whether I'd crack under the pressure. It's such a stressful environment to be in and I'm already stressed enough as it is.
I could get a part time job I suppose, which would leave me enough time to write, whilst earning an income. But then I think, surely a part time job wont be enough? Surely I wouldn't be able to survive with so little money.
So I've got all of this racing through my head, and then I think about how much stress I'm going to face in my final year. The work load will be getting even more heavy than it already is, and there'll be so much pressure on us to decide what we want to do when we leave University - but I honestly do not have a clue.
So this is why I was so panicked to find I had so little time left to enjoy my summer holiday - because I'm not ready to go back. I'm not ready to face all of that work load. I'm not ready to face the pressure. I'm not ready to grow up.
I'm just not ready yet.
But I have to be.
And that scares me a great deal.
So how do I deal with this? What can I do? Does anyone have any suggestions? Is anyone even in the same boat as me? Or has someone been like me, but then it's worked out for them? If so please tell me. I could really do with some advice right now!
Yours,
Sam.